In my previous post ( concerning Monday night’s Ayahuasca session here at Rythmia in Costa Rica I promised I would report back after the Tuesday night session. I didn’t because I was too devastated and overwhelmed. For the first time in 15 years working with the brew Mother Aya gave me a grim diagnosis. Terminal cancer. Dead man walking. And nothing she could do about it.

Ayahuasaca means ‘the Vine of Souls’ (or ‘the Vine of the Dead’) and in the grip of the brew the teachings we receive come to us as direct EXPERIENCE, not study or lecture. It was therefore a deep plunge to see and experience my own drawn-out, agonising and humiliating death in this way, reflecting the passing of of my father from metastasised prostate cancer in 2003.

Illusion or reality?
I think that most probably what I experienced was NOT an imminent reality but symbolism giving me the opportunity to learn and grow and develop — perhaps the greatest gift of love that Mother Aya has to offer.
If it was love, however, then it was tough love.
I will be having a check-up when I get home and I’m sure the diagnosis in this world will be NO cancer and a clean bill of health. If it turns out otherwise then the message of last night’s session, Wednesday night, was simply ACCEPTANCE and DEAL WITH IT. So just as Tuesday night turned my world upside down, Wednesday night helped restore my balance. None of us live for ever. The poignant beauty of this life, this incarnation, is that it is transitory and always destined to slip away. I wouldn’t have it otherwise
Tonight’s session (Thursday night) will be with the strongest medicine of the week — the form of the Ayahuasca brew that is known as yaje, in which the DMT elements (in this case both N,N DMT and 5-meO-DMT) are provided by the leaves of another vine, Diplopterys cabrerana.
Bracing myself for it! Hope to be back with a further report on Friday.
Love and light to all,

21 thoughts on “Returning to Ayahuasca after three years away — nights 2 and 3”

  1. Rosina says:

    Oh my, what a moving post! I look forward to hearing about your latest ceremony.
    Love and healing to you. Thank you for all the great work!

  2. Rosina says:

    Oh my, so sorry to hear. I look forward to your upcoming post!

    Wishing you love and healing

  3. Seamus Casey says:

    Courage = Brave Heart. Heart is the Seat of Love. Death is a Door.

    1. Seamus Casey says:

      Hey Graham. My Reply was short—was in reception room to find out what’s wrong with my neck, & Dr. called me—turns out I’ve degenerate disc disease: 3 cervical vertebrae missing bone on left making C1, the Atlas off by inch, ouch! Need to check the whole spine, etc.,. So much for any dreams of digging up the Ark, or going back to breaking rock in my crystal claim upstate, lol. But once I see the whole picture I’ll visualize the spine healing, etc., growing new bone if needs be. I’ve done it with minor health & other problems so why not something major? I’m starting on this pain in the neck I’ve given myself.
      The other 13 comments have covered what I would’ve said very well. Whatever it is, I know you’ll face it the same way you’ve faced life so far, with courage & the strong desire to out the truth. Whether about our present or past, regardless of the taboos or criticisms heaped on you. Thanks for beaming a bright searchlight into the murky dogma & official histories of humankind, so we all can face our future with the same grit & dedication. We know you’re blessed to have Santha at your side. Hopefully it’s a metaphor for releasing some deep demons or fears you may have because of your Dad.
      And transforming those fears. I hope so. If it is as the Mother said, I’d suggest you read Anita Moorjani’s 2 books about her incredible, miraculous return from death by terminal cancer. And I know you’ll have a wealth of advice from friends & readers. I’ll be sending you healing energy. All the best. Love and Light. Grá agus Solas.

  4. Rory O’Connor says:

    Much love Graham. That is a heavy thing, in any of the possible senses in which this vision or feeling is meant. There is an abundance of reassurance as you say in ayahuasca, and I know you will be placing as much emphasis in your mind on the positive things in Wednesday’s experience.

    In the past year, in no small measure under your influence, I had the opportunity to drink yagé (had no idea it was stronger in any way!) and it can be trusted, like life, when we are wise.

  5. Nick the greek says:

    If you do have it go on the oil new word for me with great meaning..Namaste

  6. William May says:

    What are your latest views on the origins/age of the Giza pyramids?
    Commiserations on your health problems and I hope you come through with clean bill of health.

  7. Mel says:

    I’m here for you Graham. I love you SO much. You are a jewel to this world. You have put the pieces of the puzzle to all of my childhood questions together. I’m sending you love and light each ceremony.

  8. Rochelle says:

    Well that’s not very up lifting news. As the mother of a cancer survivor, I hope it’s not the big C word. I’m home recovering from surgery myself and doing a little research on the healing arts (primarily vibrational healing with stones). I’m wondering if you have any recommendations on where I can find factual information about the origins of humans using stones as healing tools. Marcel Vogel’s work is one path I’ve checked out, but I’m more interested in knowing about the ancient cultures that used them. Sending prayers for good health.

  9. Mark Haywood says:

    Hope that all turns out well for you, Graham. I will check back in tomorrow or
    you can write me if you like . Mark

  10. Brandon Ricks says:

    I wish you all the best with your tests when you get home. You are to many of us a precious resource so please take care of yourself no matter what! I feel like you have so much more to teach us! My family’s strength and love as I know many others are doing we are sending your way!

  11. Affa says:

    Fuck acceptance graham keep fighting no matter what! Even if you truly believe that you will be reborn again my veiws is aging is a disease and death is unnatural time is near when death and reincarnation is obsolite the mistakes you make will be there forever in memory no do overs no amnesia. I don’t think you need too recarinate what would you have too gain too Forget and start over! Spose everyone has their demons but I’m sure the light I you outshines any darkness. you are important in this time and age the loss of you would be a devastating blow don’t accept death as a nessisary fate

  12. Julian says:

    Please be strong. We are accompanying you on this adventure so we are all just as invested in Thursday’s session passing more peacefully. Take care and let us know how it went.

  13. Milo says:

    Graham, you are a gem in this world, please know this 🙂 So many of us love you and have benefited so much from your amazingly thorough and progressive work, open minded thinking and courageous determination through the decades. THANK YOU 🙂 May the global community of people who appreciate you and support you uplift your health in your body and spirit! May you be healthy, cancer free, vibrant and pure! May your live a long happy life with many many accomplishments and vindications to come for your wonderful contributions to awakening of consciousness in this world! I certainly wish for you a long and healthy life ahead 🙂

  14. Kira Bennett says:

    Love to you, Graham. Thank you for all of the work you do and your incredible mind, that continues to inspire me every single day.

    Love and Light,

  15. keith parker says:

    Graham my energy will be with you. I have been totally inspired by you to find the answers!
    England Keith

  16. Jacob Sabat says:

    Death is the Door. Psychological death (Total Freedom from the I, the me, the self, the so-called True or Higher Self) is the beginning of Perceiving without the perceiver for the very first time, in each and every moment of daily life. Total Enlightenment NOW!

  17. David Ruddock says:

    Good luck may you find enlightenment ?

  18. James says:

    Interesting journey! Always nice to read the experiences of a person in the good graces of the lady.

  19. Nick Smith says:

    good job!

  20. Luke says:

    I’ve been captivated by your thoughts and writings since the first moment I discovered Fingerprints of the Gods. Your work has resonated with me as honest exploration; despite condescension from some of my friends and parts of the wider world. Your continuing work with psychedelics has only reinforced my conviction that you are truly a good and honest human. Bravery is required for such repeated, deep, psychological work. Thank you so much for the gifts of insight you have provided this mislead world. You have helped me on my journey in ways I cannot describe.

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