Thanks again for your very encouraging comments about the article. You ask simple questions, but I find I cannot answer them without some considerable mental effort. I guess that’s a long-winded way of saying they are thought-provoking - and welcome! It’s funny, but since publishing I have turned my attention to reading avidly, and that has made me much better appreciate the high quality writing of other authors, relative but not exclusive to the esoteric genre.
Had I read those before venturing to smoke DMT, I’m not sure I would’ve pitched myself into authorship. It has made me realise that there are some really very great minds out there. Aged 18, and ravenous for knowledge, I scoffed at the quote, “the more you know, the less you know,” yet some few weeks later I understood completely just how very true that was. That said, knowledge and intelligence are two different things. If true intelligence is seated in the heart, then a mind full of knowledge may ultimately have limited value.
How much of an artist has always been inside me? That’s such a tough question. My mind recalls a rare positive comment made by a middle school teacher, praising me as a good researcher. That praise is now fuelling me in my DMT endeavours - especially my literary investigations - far beyond the mileage it ever had back at school. I must admit though, I am very fond of testing the elasticity of vocabulary, and in that sense maybe I should consider the written word as artistic endeavour?
Having constant very pronounced tinnitus as a young child was a very significant aspect of my formative years. It’s still with me but not as pronounced as it was when I was a child. DMT & My Occult Mind - Lite details the paranormal events related to me focussing on that innate high pitch sound, but fast forward some 40years, the fact that inhaling DMT significantly increased the intensity of that tinnitus was immensely intriguing for me. On that basis alone, I can see how and why I would feel completely enamoured with the substance, even before experiencing my first breakthrough.
DMT intake and timing. Once the idea to document my experiences took root, I became very focussed on pursuing the experiences whenever my courage was high, or as was more often the case, whenever I found sufficient capacity to ignore my very real anxieties and fears. I very much bought into the idea that I had established my very own research program and was conducting serious research. There was also a very inspired sense that I was taking on the world. Having no social media presence at that time and not connecting with anyone about my experiences (other than my wife, from time to time) really helped to fuel that determined mindset.
There was no pursuit of mindfulness or pursuance of a buzz. It was very often a very difficult experience to commit to, and even then, to commit in a manner that had me very highly observant in order to try to get some foothold into what was actually occurring. I found it was best to commit frequently, as days without committing quickly became weeks and then months - making it far more challenging to return to. I now suspect that frequent commitment (as well as my motive and intention) had a significant influence on the experiences I was subjected to.
And what a paradox! All that anxiety and fear, and yet the vast majority of experiences were entertaining, playful and beautiful in the extreme. Why would our mind have such fear and anxiety over such experiences at those? The answer to those kind of questions proved telling.