Somewhere along the line: you dropped out of philosophy, never made it to theology, and still tried to make some sense of your own existence.
Didn't turn out too well, did it?
Others of us stuck it out with philosophy, came up with science, and applied it to empirical investigations. Pretty fascinating stuff.
Very few of us stuck with theology because it got so confusing . . .
Others have done a much better job of both articulating fundamental questions, and exploring alternatives.
You should read up on them when you get a chance . . .