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A farmer named Sid was overseeing his stock in a remote moorland pasture in

North Yorkshire when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie,

leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,

Will you give me a calf?"

Sid looks at the man, obviously a YUPPIE, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers,

"Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone,

and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his

ocation which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing

facility in Hamburg, Germany .

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his

Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer,

turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sid.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement

as the young man stuffs it into the back of his car.

Then Sid says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is,

will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Member of Parliament for our Government", says Sid.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the farmer.. "You showed up here even though nobody called you;

you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.

You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are;

and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.

This is a flock of sheep. ......

Now give me back my dog!

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Subject Views Written By Posted
Joke Of The Day! 12777 Brian Patterson 19-Feb-16 17:04
Re: Joke Of The Day! 930 molder 22-Feb-16 11:15
Re: Joke Of The Day! 400 molder 12-May-18 11:10
Re: Joke Of The Day! 957 Brian Patterson 22-Feb-16 20:16
Re: Joke Of The Day! 1031 molder 23-Feb-16 04:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! 869 michael seabrook 22-Feb-16 22:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! 871 molder 23-Feb-16 04:13
Re: Joke Of The Day! 957 Brian Patterson 23-Feb-16 16:50
Re: Joke Of The Day! 972 Nolondil 22-Feb-16 23:01
Re: Joke Of The Day! 940 Sirfiroth 22-Feb-16 23:15
Re: Joke Of The Day! 904 molder 26-Feb-16 04:55
Re: Joke Of The Day! 672 molder 31-Mar-17 06:48
Re: Joke Of The Day! 768 Brian Patterson 31-Mar-17 16:33
Re: Joke Of The Day! 877 carolb 26-Feb-16 12:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 976 Brian Patterson 01-Mar-16 23:38
Re: Joke Of The Day! 863 michael seabrook 07-Mar-16 18:30
Re: Joke Of The Day! 867 michael seabrook 10-Mar-16 22:45
Re: Joke Of The Day! 910 Brian Patterson 10-Mar-16 23:20
Re: Joke Of The Day! 950 Poster Boy 13-Mar-16 00:25
Re: Joke Of The Day! 958 Brian Patterson 21-Mar-16 15:32
Re: Joke Of The Day! 877 michael seabrook 21-Mar-16 16:56
Re: Joke Of The Day! 914 michael seabrook 21-Mar-16 17:12
Re: Joke Of The Day! 942 molder 22-Mar-16 06:51
Re: Joke Of The Day! 936 molder 24-Mar-16 04:35
Re: Joke Of The Day! 884 michael seabrook 27-Mar-16 00:15
Re: Joke Of The Day! 918 molder 29-Mar-16 06:56
Re: Joke Of The Day! 884 molder 02-Apr-16 10:57
Re: Joke Of The Day! 863 michael seabrook 02-Apr-16 12:20
Re: Joke Of The Day! 876 molder 07-Apr-16 09:55
Re: Joke Of The Day! 771 Eddie Larry 08-Apr-16 03:22
Re: Joke Of The Day! 844 molder 08-Apr-16 06:11
Re: Joke Of The Day! 814 Brian Patterson 08-Apr-16 18:51
Re: Joke Of The Day! 801 molder 13-Apr-16 04:54
Re: Joke Of The Day! 831 molder 19-Apr-16 12:05
Re: Joke Of The Day! 953 molder 10-May-16 11:21
Re: Joke Of The Day! 866 molder 18-Jun-16 06:31
Re: Joke Of The Day! 753 Brian Patterson 18-Jun-16 14:10
Re: Joke Of The Day! 832 molder 21-Jun-16 05:23
Re: Joke Of The Day! 854 molder 01-Jul-16 07:35
Re: Joke Of The Day! 754 michael seabrook 02-Jul-16 17:35
Re: Joke Of The Day! 748 molder 12-Jul-16 04:53
Jokes for seniors - not PC 872 Eddie Larry 29-Jul-16 01:17
Re: Jokes for seniors - not PC 744 Eddie Larry 29-Jul-16 01:19
Re: Jokes for seniors - not PC 735 molder 29-Jul-16 05:46
Re: Jokes for seniors - not PC 718 Eddie Larry 29-Jul-16 14:27
Re: Joke Of The Day! 737 molder 05-Aug-16 05:20
Re: Joke Of The Day! 752 Brian Patterson 05-Aug-16 16:23
Boudreaux from Thibodeaux 782 Dr. Troglodyte 08-Aug-16 21:39
Re: Boudreaux from Thibodeaux 744 molder 09-Aug-16 11:32
Re: Joke Of The Day!-Redneck Humor 736 Brian Patterson 09-Aug-16 18:05
Re: Joke Of The Day! 686 michael seabrook 10-Aug-16 20:21
Two Candidates Go Into a Bakery on the Campaign Trail… 806 Dr. Troglodyte 13-Aug-16 18:58
Re: Joke Of The Day! 842 molder 19-Aug-16 03:43
Re: Joke Of The Day! 637 Brian Patterson 22-Aug-16 15:39
Re: Joke Of The Day! 774 molder 22-Aug-16 23:56
May I Play Through? 733 Dr. Troglodyte 22-Aug-16 15:51
Re: Joke Of The Day! 767 Sirfiroth 25-Aug-16 13:33
Re: Joke Of The Day! 660 molder 26-Aug-16 05:49
Re: Joke Of The Day! 694 molder 26-Aug-16 07:07
Re: Joke Of The Day! 834 brett z 29-Aug-16 22:30
Re: Joke Of The Day! 735 molder 06-Sep-16 03:33
Getting Some 842 randompHactor 09-Sep-16 19:21
Re: Getting Some 787 molder 16-Sep-16 05:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 776 Thanos5150 19-Sep-16 05:00
Re: Joke Of The Day! 692 Brian Patterson 20-Sep-16 21:58
Re: Joke Of The Day! 692 molder 23-Sep-16 05:20
Re: Joke Of The Day! 786 molder 30-Sep-16 07:49
Re: Joke Of The Day! 730 Sirfiroth 03-Oct-16 23:36
Re: Joke Of The Day! 834 molder 07-Oct-16 03:17
Re: Joke Of The Day! 766 molder 21-Oct-16 09:46
Re: Joke Of The Day! 630 molder 04-Nov-16 11:36
Re: Joke Of The Day! 693 Brian Patterson 04-Nov-16 15:10
Re: Joke Of The Day! 766 molder 04-Nov-16 20:52
Squat 765 randompHactor 08-Nov-16 06:06
Re: Squat 664 molder 08-Nov-16 09:59
Re: Joke Of The Day! 797 aurora 09-Nov-16 17:20
Re: Joke Of The Day! 659 Brian Patterson 10-Nov-16 18:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! 684 aurora 10-Nov-16 18:18
Re: Joke Of The Day! 708 randompHactor 10-Nov-16 18:26
Re: Joke Of The Day! 546 Brian Patterson 10-Nov-16 19:28
Re: Joke Of The Day! 611 molder 11-Nov-16 06:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 612 Aeschylus 12-Nov-16 04:56
Re: Joke Of The Day! 583 Aeschylus 12-Nov-16 05:53
Re: Joke Of The Day! 716 Aeschylus 12-Nov-16 05:53
Re: Joke Of The Day! 768 Aeschylus 12-Nov-16 07:23
Re: Joke Of The Day! 634 Aeschylus 13-Nov-16 06:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 731 molder 13-Nov-16 13:33
Re: Joke Of The Day! 673 Aeschylus 15-Nov-16 07:55
Re: Joke Of The Day! 694 Aeschylus 15-Nov-16 08:28
Re: Joke Of The Day! 605 Aeschylus 15-Nov-16 08:29
Re: Joke Of The Day! 623 Aeschylus 15-Nov-16 08:30
Re: Joke Of The Day! 635 Brian Patterson 15-Nov-16 17:00
Re: Joke Of The Day! 756 Aeschylus 18-Nov-16 04:42
Re: Joke Of The Day! 610 aurora 18-Nov-16 05:34
Re: Joke Of The Day! 626 Aeschylus 18-Nov-16 05:35
Re: Joke Of The Day! 586 aurora 18-Nov-16 05:40
Re: Joke Of The Day! 689 aurora 18-Nov-16 05:49
Re: Joke Of The Day! 631 aurora 18-Nov-16 05:52
Re: Joke Of The Day! 653 Aeschylus 18-Nov-16 05:58
Re: Joke Of The Day! 734 Aeschylus 18-Nov-16 05:59
Re: Joke Of The Day! 705 aurora 18-Nov-16 06:04
Re: Joke Of The Day! 794 Aeschylus 18-Nov-16 07:44
Re: Joke Of The Day! 744 Aeschylus 19-Nov-16 00:31
Re: Joke Of The Day! 706 Aeschylus 20-Nov-16 22:00
Re: Joke Of The Day! 660 Aeschylus 22-Nov-16 06:41
Re: Joke Of The Day! 741 Eddie Larry 26-Nov-16 04:47
Re: Joke Of The Day! 660 molder 26-Nov-16 07:10
Re: Joke Of The Day! 673 Eddie Larry 26-Nov-16 05:15
Re: Joke Of The Day! 713 Sirfiroth 01-Dec-16 16:29
Re: Joke Of The Day! 671 molder 02-Dec-16 11:44
Re: Joke Of The Day! 677 molder 06-Dec-16 04:59
Re: Joke Of The Day! 671 molder 13-Dec-16 04:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! 665 Brian Patterson 13-Dec-16 16:22
Re: Joke Of The Day! 766 molder 23-Dec-16 06:40
Joke Of The Day! 617 Dr. Troglodyte 24-Dec-16 20:11
Re: Joke Of The Day! 665 molder 27-Dec-16 09:49
Chessnuts 827 randompHactor 27-Dec-16 15:34
Wheelbarrow Man 724 randompHactor 26-Jan-17 21:25
Re: Wheelbarrow Man 665 molder 27-Jan-17 03:30
Re: Wheelbarrow Man 825 Brian Patterson 28-Jan-17 21:50
Re: Joke Of The Day! 773 molder 07-Feb-17 22:23
Re: Joke Of The Day! 654 Brian Patterson 08-Feb-17 17:23
Re: Joke Of The Day! 744 michael seabrook 12-Feb-17 00:11
Re: Joke Of The Day! 784 molder 16-Feb-17 04:09
Re: Joke Of The Day! 757 Eddie Larry 26-Feb-17 03:32
Re: Joke Of The Day! 749 carolb 01-Mar-17 01:06
Re: Joke Of The Day! 717 Eddie Larry 01-Mar-17 19:45
Re: Joke Of The Day! 621 carolb 01-Mar-17 20:14
Re: Joke Of The Day! 734 Eddie Larry 02-Mar-17 22:06
Re: Joke Of The Day! 653 carolb 02-Mar-17 22:44
Re: Joke Of The Day! 597 michael seabrook 05-Mar-17 22:35
Re: Joke Of The Day! 717 carolb 05-Mar-17 23:21
Re: Joke Of The Day! 618 michael seabrook 11-Mar-17 23:26
Re: Joke Of The Day! 701 carolb 11-Mar-17 23:57
Re: Joke Of The Day! 584 randompHactor 12-Mar-17 00:29
Re: Joke Of The Day! 673 carolb 12-Mar-17 00:32
Re: Joke Of The Day! 690 michael seabrook 12-Mar-17 07:16
Re: Joke Of The Day! 630 carolb 12-Mar-17 13:55
Re: Joke Of The Day! 595 michael seabrook 12-Mar-17 20:57
Re: Joke Of The Day! 621 carolb 12-Mar-17 21:23
Re: Joke Of The Day! 620 randompHactor 12-Mar-17 21:27
Re: Joke Of The Day! 637 michael seabrook 21-Mar-17 14:44
Re: Joke Of The Day! 696 carolb 11-Mar-17 23:47
Re: Joke Of The Day! 624 molder 03-Mar-17 03:56
Re: Joke Of The Day! 663 molder 10-Mar-17 02:24
Re: Joke Of The Day! 711 Brian Patterson 10-Mar-17 16:31
Re: Joke Of The Day! 696 molder 21-Mar-17 08:17
Re: Joke Of The Day! 620 michael seabrook 25-Mar-17 08:35
Re: Joke Of The Day! 771 molder 04-Apr-17 02:49
Re: Joke Of The Day! 720 molder 21-Apr-17 03:02
Re: Joke Of The Day! 628 Archaic 21-Apr-17 22:44
Re: Joke Of The Day! 495 molder 24-Apr-17 04:37
Did you hear about the Doctor on the United Flight? 840 Archaic 24-Apr-17 10:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! 543 Brian Patterson 24-Apr-17 14:59
Re: Joke Of The Day! 584 molder 25-Apr-17 05:29
Re: Joke Of The Day! 763 molder 02-May-17 10:56
Re: Joke Of The Day! 666 Brian Patterson 02-May-17 23:57
Re: Joke Of The Day! 695 molder 09-May-17 02:30
Re: Joke Of The Day! 597 AstralDruid 17-May-17 06:55
Re: Joke Of The Day! 605 michael seabrook 17-May-17 21:40
Re: Joke Of The Day! 525 Brian Patterson 22-May-17 18:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! How to make a bad mistake 508 molder 23-May-17 11:29
Re: Joke Of The Day! 625 molder 24-May-17 01:59
Re: Joke Of The Day! 587 molder 27-May-17 11:05
Karma - angry ole' geezer gets his come-uppance! 615 carolb 30-May-17 19:42
Re: Joke Of The Day! 620 Dr. Troglodyte 06-Jun-17 16:18
Re: Joke Of The Day! 550 Brian Patterson 06-Jun-17 22:25
Re: Joke Of The Day! 637 molder 09-Jun-17 03:51
Re: Joke Of The Day! 642 molder 20-Jun-17 01:50
Re: Joke Of The Day! 551 Brian Patterson 22-Jun-17 20:05
Re: Joke Of The Day! 452 molder 22-Jun-17 22:23
Re: Joke Of The Day! 472 Sirfiroth 23-Jun-17 02:21
Re: Joke Of The Day! 693 molder 23-Jun-17 03:27
Re: Joke Of The Day! 583 molder 30-Jun-17 03:31
Re: Joke Of The Day! 546 Brian Patterson 30-Jun-17 18:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! 536 Deep1 02-Jul-17 07:21
Re: Joke Of The Day! 461 Brian Patterson 04-Jul-17 15:50
Re: Joke Of The Day! 559 molder 14-Jul-17 04:52
Re: Joke Of The Day! 519 Brian Patterson 14-Jul-17 17:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! 589 molder 21-Jul-17 05:26
Re: Joke Of The Day! 444 Brian Patterson 25-Jul-17 16:06
Re: Joke Of The Day! 530 muppedo 26-Jul-17 11:17
Re: Joke Of The Day! 613 Brian Patterson 28-Jul-17 14:38
Re: Joke Of The Day! 460 Sirfiroth 28-Jul-17 14:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 563 molder 01-Aug-17 03:28
Re: Joke Of The Day! 533 molder 04-Aug-17 03:03
Re: Joke Of The Day! 455 Brian Patterson 04-Aug-17 20:01
Re: Joke Of The Day! 488 molder 08-Aug-17 03:24
Re: Joke Of The Day! 448 molder 11-Aug-17 03:11
Re: Joke Of The Day! 457 Brian Patterson 15-Aug-17 15:00
Re: Joke Of The Day! 465 molder 18-Aug-17 05:55
Re: Joke Of The Day! 419 Fsbirdhouse 23-Aug-17 17:33
Re: Joke Of The Day! 444 michael seabrook 23-Aug-17 21:11
Re: Joke Of The Day! 430 Fsbirdhouse 31-Aug-17 16:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 453 molder 31-Aug-17 16:55
Re: Joke Of The Day! 497 Fsbirdhouse 01-Sep-17 04:43
Re: Joke Of The Day! 444 Brian Patterson 01-Sep-17 19:52
Re: Joke Of The Day! 445 molder 02-Sep-17 19:50
Re: Joke Of The Day! 461 Brian Patterson 05-Sep-17 15:05
Re: Joke Of The Day! 538 molder 15-Sep-17 04:43
Re: Joke Of The Day! 441 molder 03-Oct-17 03:47
Re: Joke Of The Day! 492 Brian Patterson 03-Oct-17 23:30
Re: Joke Of The Day! 486 Fsbirdhouse 09-Oct-17 04:48
Re: Joke Of The Day! 478 molder 09-Oct-17 05:36
Re: Joke Of The Day! 419 Brian Patterson 09-Oct-17 18:48
Re: Joke Of The Day! 453 molder 06-Oct-17 05:07
Re: Joke Of The Day! 475 Fsbirdhouse 09-Oct-17 05:11
Re: Joke Of The Day! 465 molder 10-Oct-17 03:49
Re: Joke Of The Day! 418 Brian Patterson 27-Oct-17 14:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 409 Eddie Larry 27-Oct-17 17:45
Re: Joke Of The Day! 447 Brian Patterson 27-Oct-17 18:57
Re: Joke Of The Day! 424 molder 21-Nov-17 02:48
Re: Joke Of The Day! 408 molder 22-Nov-17 21:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 446 muppedo 25-Nov-17 02:17
Re: Joke Of The Day! 452 molder 27-Nov-17 11:19
Re: Joke Of The Day! 412 molder 01-Dec-17 03:40
Re: Joke Of The Day! 407 molder 05-Dec-17 04:24
Re: Joke Of The Day! 421 molder 08-Dec-17 03:54
Re: Joke Of The Day! 385 molder 11-Dec-17 07:43
Xmas joke 419 drew 13-Dec-17 23:34
Re: Xmas joke 396 michael seabrook 16-Dec-17 07:58
Re: Xmas joke 403 drew 18-Dec-17 00:32
Christmas Joke 389 carolb 18-Dec-17 23:37
Re: Christmas Joke 388 molder 19-Dec-17 04:25
Re: Joke Of The Day! 405 molder 15-Dec-17 03:33
New Job in Chicago 384 Dr. Troglodyte 18-Dec-17 17:01
Re: Joke Of The Day! 385 molder 28-Dec-17 03:33
Re: Joke Of The Day! 390 molder 29-Dec-17 00:05
The Two Friends 392 Dr. Troglodyte 31-Dec-17 17:19
Re: Joke Of The Day! 395 molder 03-Jan-18 04:56
Re: Joke Of The Day! 402 molder 12-Jan-18 04:05
Re: Joke Of The Day! 375 molder 30-Jan-18 03:49
Re: Joke Of The Day! 454 molder 02-Feb-18 04:40
Re: Joke Of The Day! 437 molder 23-Feb-18 22:57
Re: Joke Of The Day! 368 molder 16-Mar-18 04:42
Re: Joke Of The Day! 358 Brian Patterson 16-Mar-18 20:33
Re: Joke Of The Day! 393 molder 17-Mar-18 13:04
Re: Joke Of The Day! 379 molder 24-Apr-18 03:35
Re: Joke Of The Day! 361 molder 01-May-18 03:32
Re: Joke Of The Day! 360 molder 04-May-18 03:39
Re: Joke Of The Day! 349 molder 11-May-18 04:40
Re: Joke Of The Day! 342 molder 25-May-18 04:48
Re: Joke Of The Day! 338 molder 30-May-18 11:28
Re: Joke Of The Day! 337 molder 08-Jun-18 03:54
Re: Joke Of The Day! 333 molder 12-Jun-18 04:57
Re: Joke Of The Day! 333 molder 23-Jun-18 00:52
Re: Joke Of The Day! 284 molder 17-Aug-18 04:11
Re: Joke Of The Day! 293 molder 21-Aug-18 04:54
Re: Joke Of The Day! 297 molder 25-Sep-18 10:59
Re: Joke Of The Day! 303 molder 05-Oct-18 04:32
Re: Joke Of The Day! 312 Brian Patterson 06-Oct-18 03:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 277 molder 19-Oct-18 04:52
Re: Joke Of The Day! 225 molder 04-Dec-18 10:48
Re: Joke Of The Day! 253 molder 08-Dec-18 05:14
Re: Joke Of The Day! 181 molder 18-Jan-19 04:37
Re: Joke Of The Day! 169 molder 05-Feb-19 11:29
Re: Joke Of The Day! 159 Sirfiroth 07-Feb-19 17:29
Ed’s Deathbed Bequest 150 Dr. Troglodyte 12-Feb-19 18:40
WHAT IF ??? 151 Dr. Troglodyte 13-Feb-19 23:55
Re: WHAT IF ??? 142 molder 15-Feb-19 11:28
Rodney Dangerfield on Carson: 6 mins 163 Poster Boy 15-Feb-19 23:06
Re: Joke Of The Day! 146 molder 08-Mar-19 11:46
Re: Joke Of The Day! 126 molder 12-Apr-19 05:12
Re: Joke Of The Day! 101 molder 18-Apr-19 22:10
Re: Joke Of The Day! 91 molder 23-Apr-19 03:53
Re: Joke Of The Day! 123 molder 26-Apr-19 01:01
Re: Joke Of The Day! 59 molder 11-Jun-19 21:47
Re: Joke Of The Day! 77 molder 12-Jun-19 10:09
Welding 101 68 Dr. Troglodyte 18-Jun-19 19:48
Re: Welding 101 57 molder 22-Jun-19 11:24
bltch 52 Dr. Troglodyte 05-Jul-19 16:43
You had to be there… 40 Dr. Troglodyte 08-Jul-19 17:54
Awesome! 58 Sirfiroth 08-Jul-19 19:07
Re: Joke Of The Day! 36 molder 16-Jul-19 02:56
Re: Joke Of The Day! 63 ldennyjr 26-Jul-19 01:13
Re: Joke Of The Day! 51 Nolondil 27-Jul-19 18:51


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