Well...such a lot of murkiness to wade through first...never being quite sure if what we are thinking is what things really are...never being sure unless we really step out of our thoughts and just 'breathe' and let the moment wash over our moment...just sit outside ourself for a few moments, like standing at the traffic lights while a part of us crosses when the light turns green, and another part of us watching our self cross over with the flow of everyone else...all our own 'selves' crossing too..
...what am I actually watching here? Why are some parts of me so focused on getting to the other side? Why are other parts of me not watching where I am going? Why are other parts of me looking at the ground or the sky or the buildings or other parts of me? Where have parts of me come from and going to? Look at all the styles of clothing and walking and accessories and mindsets I actually have!...
...and I am ME standing outside myself and watching all of me in motion and in an instant, I am anyone of those crossing or none of those...just standing on the side waiting for another change in the lights so that I can cross exactly as I should cross because I just saw every state of me and I don't have to think about it anymore...I let my first step dictate my next step and it is all automatic and will get me to the other side because at any moment, I can change my walk or clothes or focus or mindset or where I came from or where I am going because I am all me and none of me: I...my mind...is outside me and just standing there observing everything I do...and judging me for it and watching out for me too...it can step in when it sees an accident coming and be right there to lend a hand.
Damn mind...how dare you second guess yourself! And stop looking over my shoulder in judgement at all I do. We are all we have, so don't go beating us up for being a little unsure. Go for a walk, you silly bugger, and enjoy the scenery for a change. Go pretend to be a duck in the River, and just sway against the current knowing you won't get swept away. It ain't deep, is it, and those other ducks don't mind...you're acting just like them. And don't worry...I am nearby and ready to save you if you get into trouble...I've done it all before and know the dangers signs and will pull you out before the river gets high and threatens to sweep you away. I am your very own life saver.
Any time my mind is unsure during the past many years, I check myself...I am my own worst troll in that capacity. Otherwise I go for it and see what happens knowing that mistakes happen and there is no use beating myself up for making a mistake...it just made me learn a new lesson on what not to do next time. And on that note, my sincerest apologies to those I pushed to your own limits or who took something I offered too personally...you either got back what you gave or mistook what I gave. We explored each other and found out things about ourselves...the worst thing about ourselves is trying to be someone we are not...otherwise, the best lesson here is HAVE BIG BALLS and be yourself and own who you are...no excuses. Well, except that we don't know all the answers and we are all different and I still have lots to learn about me and you :)
ps: I have said that what I write is mostly toward myself, haven't I? You folk are an audience who sometimes like to participate in whatever way you choose while I am on this little stage. I'll toss out a line and see where it goes and any feedback just makes me take that and run with it. I am, after all, exploring personal growth. You've been a wonderful audience...time for a new play. (Yes...we can all think this about what we do in here...can't we...)
|The Crux of Being...||926||Enigcom||14-Jun-18 23:25|
|Re: The Crux of Being...||180||Enigcom||15-Jun-18 16:33|
|In two minds about which to be||123||drew||09-Jul-18 21:44|
|Re: In two minds about which to be||137||Itatw70s||10-Jul-18 11:51|
|Sometimes, an other will have the right words.||123||drew||10-Jul-18 19:41|
|Re: Sometimes, an other will have the right words.||151||Itatw70s||10-Jul-18 23:09|
|Re: Sometimes, an other will have the right words.||232||drew||11-Jul-18 02:40|
|Re: The Crux of Being...||122||Enigcom||10-Jul-18 16:17|
|Re: The Crux of Being...||119||Itatw70s||11-Jul-18 00:29|