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I once had a dream where my whole world was destroyed by a vast meteor strike from above...my fiance, the great Mother who presented us with our home on a country landscape, the landscape itself...all because I stepped away from the house and wanted to go look at what lay beyond the tree-line that had a white fence half way between the house and the trees. An unseen stream lay beyond the trees and I could hear it and smell it, was drawn to it, and needed to know what it was.

The ladies were looking around the inside of the house as I reached the fence, hesitated with a look back over my shoulder, knowing that if I crossed over there would be no turning back, and I climbed and crossed and took two steps towards the trees when a great 'whoosh' came from above. I looked up to see a flaming ball course through the sky and arc overhead before slamming and completely destroying the house as I was running back to it, screaming out 'No, No!', but it was too late...my heart was wrenched from my chest.

Another 'whoosh' came and I saw it aiming for me...I ran over there and it missed me, pluming the air with debris; another and I ran and a plume and debris...several times they kept coming until the landscape was flaming rubble and then the sky became filled with meteors, the sky's determination at crushing me for my transgression at not being satisfied with what the Great Mother had presented me: a loving fiance, a nice home, the countryside with farm animals and such...

...and I couldn't let any more destruction occur. I looked at the coming firey ball face-on, knelt down, watched as the sky cleared of every other flaming ball, and smiled that nothing else would be destroyed. As it drew near, I closed my eyes and wondered if it would hurt, and then wondered again why I felt nothing right at the moment when I should have been blown to smithereens...and I opened my eyes against the brilliance that had overcome me and saw nothing but pure white everywhere.

I pondered for a moment as I was wrapped in complete calm...a great hug of love that was all pervasive as there was nothing else but it...even I did not exist anymore...I was dead and did not know it...and I felt a tear well up from somewhere that shouldn't exist because there was no face for it to be on...and it spilled over an unknown eyelid and coursed down an unknown cheek, and I awoke from my dream to feel the tear coursing down my cheek while my very being acknowledged the entirety of the dream and what it meant.


A few weeks later, after having just changed jobs and now working nights and weekends and spending hardly any time with my fiance as she started spending more time with a girlfriend and going out to see soccer games, they went to an after=party and she did something stupid which broke us up. Probably a prophetic dream; more-so something else. Even right this moment, as I sit on my lounge using an internet connection from my good neighbour I help calm horses with while he trims their hooves...a connection that shouldn't be possible to use because of his hot-spot only extending 30 feet from its base and his home being over 200 feet away and a couple of buildings between us...a connection that suddenly came on 2 nights ago...I don't really feel anything from these last few posts and what they contain. I feel 'business as usual'...no sense of relief; no wonder at what tomorrow may hold; no excitement at some coming prize; nothing out of the ordinary...the very same feeling I had when my fiance had drunkenly slept with another man and the realization that 'such is life'.

It is now after 4 am and something woke me up and here I am, playing around again, and pretty soon I'll go back to sleep for another 2 hours before I get up to go help with a couple of horses; do some washing afterwards; then head down the pub in the afternoon for a couple of beers with the guys before coming home and having a pretty tasty cottage pie while I watch some tv and read more of a book I am into...business as usual.

On Saturday, I start putting together a little aviary for my zebra finches, and a friend will come over and we'll have some wine and a laugh and in the evening I'll catch up with my horse-neighbour for a chin wag on his porch while other neighbours get their evening stroll in and we all say hi to each other.

Nothing has changed in me or my world...there was no great attainment of any kind of personal triumph recently...no short-circuit in some great fear arising that I am exposed to any kind of harm...no care what anyone now thinks about someone who has seemingly gone too far...not even a care that you could perceive me to 'have a big head'. Not one jot of concern about my behaviour or your perception of that.

I own me; I own my name; I own my beliefs; I own what I do; I own my day. And I am not ashamed at all that I let loose on something just to see how it would make me feel...not for your or anyone else's benefit in looking at me differently now as compared to the other day but for what it would do to me. And it's done nothing at all.

I guess I'll get back to sleep now...got a busy day ahead. I'll check in later to see how some other topics are progressing. Someone sounds a little interested in an old rock carving I found 20-odd years ago. You have a good day there, Mic.

Cheers

Sometimes looking up doesn't mean we're not looking down

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Subject Views Written By Posted
Why am I like I am? 1656 drew 08-Feb-18 23:59
Re: Why am I like I am? 242 Itatw70s 09-Feb-18 00:29
The GREATEST game... 202 drew 09-Feb-18 00:39
Re: The GREATEST game... 189 Itatw70s 09-Feb-18 00:45
Re: Why am I like I am? 246 Susan Doris 09-Feb-18 06:55
Re: Why am I like I am? 240 Naveen 09-Feb-18 14:04
Re: Why am I like I am? 245 M. J. Thomas 09-Feb-18 20:53
Re: Why am I like I am? 219 drew 10-Feb-18 01:38
Re: Why am I like I am? 186 drew 10-Feb-18 01:33
Re: Why am I like I am? 235 M. J. Thomas 09-Feb-18 20:50
Re: Why am I like I am? 261 greengirl5 09-Feb-18 21:58
Re: Why am I like I am? 184 drew 10-Feb-18 01:46
Re: Why am I like I am? 179 greengirl5 10-Feb-18 03:29
Re: a dress 207 drew 10-Feb-18 09:21
Re: Why am I like I am? 183 greengirl5 10-Feb-18 11:23
Re: Why am I like I am? 209 greengirl5 10-Feb-18 11:31
Re: Why am I like I am? 250 drew 10-Feb-18 21:36
Re: Why am I like I am? 211 Enigcom 11-Feb-18 18:57
Re: Why am I like I am? 190 drew 11-Feb-18 23:53
Re: Why am I like I am? 159 Enigcom 14-Feb-18 15:48
Re: Why am I like I am? 200 drew 14-Feb-18 20:54
Why do we have so much fun with stuff... 159 drew 22-Apr-18 10:11
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff... 195 Enigcom 22-Apr-18 20:13
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff... 187 drew 23-Apr-18 01:06
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 183 Enigcom 23-Apr-18 12:40
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 165 Eddie Larry 23-Apr-18 21:56
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 192 Itatw70s 24-Apr-18 01:36
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 183 drew 24-Apr-18 03:27
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 194 drew 24-Apr-18 03:19
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 167 Itatw70s 24-Apr-18 12:49
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 178 Enigcom 24-Apr-18 16:43
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 172 Itatw70s 25-Apr-18 00:55
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 184 Enigcom 25-Apr-18 21:15
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 202 Susan Doris 26-Apr-18 05:11
Aw...but... 196 drew 27-Apr-18 05:41
Re: Aw...but... 193 Susan Doris 27-Apr-18 14:42
Re: Aw...but... 174 drew 01-May-18 00:41
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 183 drew 27-Apr-18 05:28
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 181 drew 27-Apr-18 04:56
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 198 Enigcom 27-Apr-18 16:42
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 192 Itatw70s 28-Apr-18 14:31
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 184 Enigcom 29-Apr-18 19:34
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 157 Itatw70s 29-Apr-18 20:05
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 186 Enigcom 30-Apr-18 01:43
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 150 Itatw70s 30-Apr-18 12:54
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 184 drew 01-May-18 00:54
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 201 Enigcom 01-May-18 16:56
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 209 Itatw70s 01-May-18 23:16
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 170 drew 01-May-18 23:52
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 184 Itatw70s 02-May-18 00:01
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 190 Enigcom 02-May-18 03:49
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 219 drew 04-May-18 01:57
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 173 Enigcom 04-May-18 14:31
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 178 drew 05-May-18 00:12
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 161 Itatw70s 06-May-18 00:43
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 155 Enigcom 06-May-18 02:25
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 178 drew 07-May-18 04:21
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 166 Itatw70s 07-May-18 12:41
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 166 Enigcom 07-May-18 22:55
Re: Why am I like I am? 194 MLloydHudson 28-May-18 09:24
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 191 drew 28-May-18 23:41
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 168 Enigcom 03-Jun-18 12:17
Re: the massive truth hides as always 227 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 03:17
Re: the massive truth hides as always 161 Susan Doris 04-Jun-18 05:05
Re: the massive truth hides as always 205 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 09:19
Re: the massive truth hides as always 176 Susan Doris 04-Jun-18 10:50
Re: the massive truth hides as always 157 Susan Doris 04-Jun-18 12:25
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 193 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 12:20
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 189 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 12:11
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 156 Enigcom 04-Jun-18 15:07
Re: Today is my 'foot in mouth day' 218 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 16:34
Re: Today is my 'foot in mouth day' 172 drew 05-Jun-18 02:11
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 163 drew 05-Jun-18 01:53
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 160 Enigcom 05-Jun-18 13:46
The dilution of me... 170 drew 21-Jun-18 07:34
Re: Why am I like I am? 206 MLloydHudson 21-Jun-18 11:34
The essence of a dream 189 drew 21-Jun-18 18:24
A trip down memory lane 252 drew 26-Jun-18 00:47


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