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I once had a dream where my whole world was destroyed by a vast meteor strike from above...my fiance, the great Mother who presented us with our home on a country landscape, the landscape itself...all because I stepped away from the house and wanted to go look at what lay beyond the tree-line that had a white fence half way between the house and the trees. An unseen stream lay beyond the trees and I could hear it and smell it, was drawn to it, and needed to know what it was.

The ladies were looking around the inside of the house as I reached the fence, hesitated with a look back over my shoulder, knowing that if I crossed over there would be no turning back, and I climbed and crossed and took two steps towards the trees when a great 'whoosh' came from above. I looked up to see a flaming ball course through the sky and arc overhead before slamming and completely destroying the house as I was running back to it, screaming out 'No, No!', but it was too late...my heart was wrenched from my chest.

Another 'whoosh' came and I saw it aiming for me...I ran over there and it missed me, pluming the air with debris; another and I ran and a plume and debris...several times they kept coming until the landscape was flaming rubble and then the sky became filled with meteors, the sky's determination at crushing me for my transgression at not being satisfied with what the Great Mother had presented me: a loving fiance, a nice home, the countryside with farm animals and such...

...and I couldn't let any more destruction occur. I looked at the coming firey ball face-on, knelt down, watched as the sky cleared of every other flaming ball, and smiled that nothing else would be destroyed. As it drew near, I closed my eyes and wondered if it would hurt, and then wondered again why I felt nothing right at the moment when I should have been blown to smithereens...and I opened my eyes against the brilliance that had overcome me and saw nothing but pure white everywhere.

I pondered for a moment as I was wrapped in complete calm...a great hug of love that was all pervasive as there was nothing else but it...even I did not exist anymore...I was dead and did not know it...and I felt a tear well up from somewhere that shouldn't exist because there was no face for it to be on...and it spilled over an unknown eyelid and coursed down an unknown cheek, and I awoke from my dream to feel the tear coursing down my cheek while my very being acknowledged the entirety of the dream and what it meant.


A few weeks later, after having just changed jobs and now working nights and weekends and spending hardly any time with my fiance as she started spending more time with a girlfriend and going out to see soccer games, they went to an after=party and she did something stupid which broke us up. Probably a prophetic dream; more-so something else. Even right this moment, as I sit on my lounge using an internet connection from my good neighbour I help calm horses with while he trims their hooves...a connection that shouldn't be possible to use because of his hot-spot only extending 30 feet from its base and his home being over 200 feet away and a couple of buildings between us...a connection that suddenly came on 2 nights ago...I don't really feel anything from these last few posts and what they contain. I feel 'business as usual'...no sense of relief; no wonder at what tomorrow may hold; no excitement at some coming prize; nothing out of the ordinary...the very same feeling I had when my fiance had drunkenly slept with another man and the realization that 'such is life'.

It is now after 4 am and something woke me up and here I am, playing around again, and pretty soon I'll go back to sleep for another 2 hours before I get up to go help with a couple of horses; do some washing afterwards; then head down the pub in the afternoon for a couple of beers with the guys before coming home and having a pretty tasty cottage pie while I watch some tv and read more of a book I am into...business as usual.

On Saturday, I start putting together a little aviary for my zebra finches, and a friend will come over and we'll have some wine and a laugh and in the evening I'll catch up with my horse-neighbour for a chin wag on his porch while other neighbours get their evening stroll in and we all say hi to each other.

Nothing has changed in me or my world...there was no great attainment of any kind of personal triumph recently...no short-circuit in some great fear arising that I am exposed to any kind of harm...no care what anyone now thinks about someone who has seemingly gone too far...not even a care that you could perceive me to 'have a big head'. Not one jot of concern about my behaviour or your perception of that.

I own me; I own my name; I own my beliefs; I own what I do; I own my day. And I am not ashamed at all that I let loose on something just to see how it would make me feel...not for your or anyone else's benefit in looking at me differently now as compared to the other day but for what it would do to me. And it's done nothing at all.

I guess I'll get back to sleep now...got a busy day ahead. I'll check in later to see how some other topics are progressing. Someone sounds a little interested in an old rock carving I found 20-odd years ago. You have a good day there, Mic.

Cheers

No-one expects a Spanish Inquisition

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Subject Views Written By Posted
Why am I like I am? 1635 drew 08-Feb-18 23:59
Re: Why am I like I am? 233 Itatw70s 09-Feb-18 00:29
The GREATEST game... 189 drew 09-Feb-18 00:39
Re: The GREATEST game... 184 Itatw70s 09-Feb-18 00:45
Re: Why am I like I am? 235 Susan Doris 09-Feb-18 06:55
Re: Why am I like I am? 232 Naveen 09-Feb-18 14:04
Re: Why am I like I am? 230 M. J. Thomas 09-Feb-18 20:53
Re: Why am I like I am? 212 drew 10-Feb-18 01:38
Re: Why am I like I am? 179 drew 10-Feb-18 01:33
Re: Why am I like I am? 218 M. J. Thomas 09-Feb-18 20:50
Re: Why am I like I am? 242 greengirl5 09-Feb-18 21:58
Re: Why am I like I am? 177 drew 10-Feb-18 01:46
Re: Why am I like I am? 170 greengirl5 10-Feb-18 03:29
Re: a dress 192 drew 10-Feb-18 09:21
Re: Why am I like I am? 166 greengirl5 10-Feb-18 11:23
Re: Why am I like I am? 201 greengirl5 10-Feb-18 11:31
Re: Why am I like I am? 246 drew 10-Feb-18 21:36
Re: Why am I like I am? 205 Enigcom 11-Feb-18 18:57
Re: Why am I like I am? 184 drew 11-Feb-18 23:53
Re: Why am I like I am? 152 Enigcom 14-Feb-18 15:48
Re: Why am I like I am? 193 drew 14-Feb-18 20:54
Why do we have so much fun with stuff... 155 drew 22-Apr-18 10:11
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff... 184 Enigcom 22-Apr-18 20:13
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff... 168 drew 23-Apr-18 01:06
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 177 Enigcom 23-Apr-18 12:40
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 158 Eddie Larry 23-Apr-18 21:56
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 185 Itatw70s 24-Apr-18 01:36
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 175 drew 24-Apr-18 03:27
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 186 drew 24-Apr-18 03:19
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 160 Itatw70s 24-Apr-18 12:49
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 170 Enigcom 24-Apr-18 16:43
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 165 Itatw70s 25-Apr-18 00:55
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 176 Enigcom 25-Apr-18 21:15
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 194 Susan Doris 26-Apr-18 05:11
Aw...but... 190 drew 27-Apr-18 05:41
Re: Aw...but... 179 Susan Doris 27-Apr-18 14:42
Re: Aw...but... 168 drew 01-May-18 00:41
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 177 drew 27-Apr-18 05:28
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 175 drew 27-Apr-18 04:56
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 178 Enigcom 27-Apr-18 16:42
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 186 Itatw70s 28-Apr-18 14:31
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 167 Enigcom 29-Apr-18 19:34
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 149 Itatw70s 29-Apr-18 20:05
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 180 Enigcom 30-Apr-18 01:43
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 145 Itatw70s 30-Apr-18 12:54
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 177 drew 01-May-18 00:54
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 193 Enigcom 01-May-18 16:56
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 200 Itatw70s 01-May-18 23:16
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 163 drew 01-May-18 23:52
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 176 Itatw70s 02-May-18 00:01
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 172 Enigcom 02-May-18 03:49
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 196 drew 04-May-18 01:57
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 164 Enigcom 04-May-18 14:31
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 170 drew 05-May-18 00:12
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 151 Itatw70s 06-May-18 00:43
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 148 Enigcom 06-May-18 02:25
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 165 drew 07-May-18 04:21
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 159 Itatw70s 07-May-18 12:41
Re: Why do we have so much fun with stuff...unreal, yet real. 158 Enigcom 07-May-18 22:55
Re: Why am I like I am? 186 MLloydHudson 28-May-18 09:24
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 179 drew 28-May-18 23:41
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 162 Enigcom 03-Jun-18 12:17
Re: the massive truth hides as always 214 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 03:17
Re: the massive truth hides as always 155 Susan Doris 04-Jun-18 05:05
Re: the massive truth hides as always 190 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 09:19
Re: the massive truth hides as always 170 Susan Doris 04-Jun-18 10:50
Re: the massive truth hides as always 149 Susan Doris 04-Jun-18 12:25
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 181 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 12:20
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 178 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 12:11
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 149 Enigcom 04-Jun-18 15:07
Re: Today is my 'foot in mouth day' 200 MLloydHudson 04-Jun-18 16:34
Re: Today is my 'foot in mouth day' 166 drew 05-Jun-18 02:11
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 155 drew 05-Jun-18 01:53
Re: the rules of the game and your audition... 152 Enigcom 05-Jun-18 13:46
The dilution of me... 162 drew 21-Jun-18 07:34
Re: Why am I like I am? 192 MLloydHudson 21-Jun-18 11:34
The essence of a dream 176 drew 21-Jun-18 18:24
A trip down memory lane 235 drew 26-Jun-18 00:47


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