Daddy Swore An Oath But He Forgot To Bring the Cheez-Its
More Fun On the Internet Dept: The Citizens For Constitutional Freedom - aka the ragged handful of white, slow-witted, gun-toting, camo-wrapped, self-styled insurrectionist yahoos occupying an empty wildlife visitors' center in the middle of wintry Oregon to protest tyranny and free park maps - are having a rough time. Oppressive federal agents are pretty much ignoring them. Weary residents want them to go home - though one obliging rancher, they breathlessly report, did bring "a very, very good pot of soup." Birdwatchers and wildlife supporters have dubbed them thugs, poachers and destroyers of the environment and warned, "We are watching you... You will never see us, but we and our cameras will always see you." And despite plans to stay "for years" - in what are reportedly cozy digs complete with gym - they're running out of snacks, and have issued a sorry plea for more.
Perhaps most galling, despite their florid grandstanding about fighting the totalitarian state just like Rosa Parks and other freedom fighters, most of America finds them hilarious. To be clear: They are jokes; the fact they can freely, mindlessly wave around guns, thus pretending their firepower gives them legitimacy, is no joke, and scary. Even less amusing, the brutal truth of the matter is that if they were brown, black or Muslim, they'd probably already have been able to die with their recently bought paramillitary boots on like some have theatrically declared they want to.